Some thoughts on the latest health warnings on excessive drinking.

Our government has implemented laws against drinking and operating vehicles, due to the danger of accidents. These laws are enforced with ruthless severity, starting with a one year ban for any infringement.
I am fully in agreement with this, and indeed now propose that these exact same laws will be applied to all those working in government and making key decisions involving the operation of that vast vehicle, the Great British economy, There is clear scientific evidence available showing that judgement is severely impaired after the consumption of any alcohol.
I therefore propose that the selling and consumption of alcohol on government property, including the House of Lords and Houses of Parliament, is immediately banned. Furthermore any politician or government employee found on government property to be under the influence of alcohol will be forthwith banned for twelve months from office without pay or benefits.
To ensure that the Law of the Land is held in the highest degree by those who make the laws, I further propose that all entering government premises have to take a breath test, and also that random checks will be performed throughout the corridors, hallways, offices and toilets of power.
Only once we have made sure that clearheaded and capable drivers sit at the steering wheel of the UK economy as it is navigated meticulously around the hazards can we rest assured that a bunch of pickled brains is not making impaired decisions and steering us deeper into the abyss.